


just wanna be adored

by havisham



Series: first & last (and everything in between) [2]
Category: Free!
Genre: (for different people ouch), Break Up, Childhood Friends, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Getting Back Together, M/M, Mutual Pining, POV Minor Character, Release the Kraken, Slow Burn, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-07
Updated: 2017-05-17
Packaged: 2018-10-28 23:07:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10841373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/havisham/pseuds/havisham
Summary: It's hard work to be this easy-going.Sometimes Kisumi wishes some people (especially one ex-swimmer he's been in love with forever) would notice.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cerasi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cerasi/gifts).



 

Kisumi stopped a familiar face in the crowd and Sousuke’s name was already on his lips before he could stop himself. Sousuke heard him and hunched over, the idiot, as if he could hide that huge body in a crowd as easily as _that_. 

Kisumi picked up his pace and caught up with him in a few seconds, looping a long arm around Sousuke’s neck. It had been two years since they’d seen each other, but it seemed like nothing had changed -- Kisumi was effervescent, as ever, and Sousuke was just as serious, almost dour. 

“I can’t believe we found each other in such a big campus! No, such a big city!” Kisumi said cheerfully, tightening his hold. “Last I heard, you were enrolled in a local university! What happened?”

Sousuke may have stopped talking to him, but their mothers were still best friends, and still met for their weekly bridge game. Their eldest sons were one of their most favorite subjects of conversation. 

“I transferred,” Sousuke said, as if that was all he had to say on the matter. As if that was enough information! Kisumi felt like shaking him, but he decided change strategies and ease up instead.

He relinquished his hold on Sousuke and walked beside him instead, swinging his arms either way. He felt like skipping, but knew that would be too much for Sousuke. 

Instead, Kisumi peppered him with questions: “What are you studying? Is it going to be sports management -- or don’t you know yet? Do you have a place to live? Do you have roommates? Can I visit?”

“Kisumi, enough.” And just like that, Sousuke’s whole face transformed with a smile. It wasn’t even a big smile, not the kind he’d give to Rin, but it was enough -- for now. His eyes were still very pretty -- blue and green mixed together, the color of tropical ocean. “It’s good to see a familiar face here.” 

“Ah!” Kisumi said, smiling. Suddenly the thought occurred to him -- “Are you lost, Sousuke-kun?” 

Sousuke’s eyes darted away, a faint blush apparent under the brown of his cheeks. “No.” 

“Eh, I wouldn’t blame you if you were, you're new and it’s a big campus!” 

“I have a map app on my phone…” 

“Yeah, but those aren't the best when you're walking. You need a human touch, so to speak. To show you the shortcuts and whatever. Where are you trying to go?” 

Frowning, Sousuke handed over the piece of paper he’d been holding over to him. It was a schedule for a fairly full load of classes -- Kisumi quickly surveyed it, seeing slots of Organic Chemistry, Physiology -- and there, an English class that was starting in fifteen minutes, located in a building across the campus from where they were.

Kisumi gave Sousuke back his schedule and grabbed his hand. “Come on, I’ll show you. Maybe we’ll make it in time!” 

By some miracle, they did make it there with a few minutes to spare. 

Before Kisumi was willing to let Sousuke go, he put his number into Sousuke’s phone -- “I have a new one, and you probably don’t have it! --” and made the slightly unpleasant discovery that he wasn’t even in Sousuke’s contacts begin with.

“So mean, Sousuke-kun, it’s like I’m not even one of your precious friends from elementary school and middle school!”

“We didn’t go to the same middle school,” Sousuke said, raising his brows. _You went to Iwatobi, you traitor_ , his look plainly said. 

“Yeah, but we were still friends! Besides, Iwatobi had a better basketball club than Sano, I couldn’t help that,” Kisumi said, and pulled Sousuke close so they could take a selfie. 

The resulting photo had Kisumi glowing like the god of youth and vitality that he really was, and Sousuke as a dark cloud on his horizon. He sent the picture and a quick text to himself so he’d have Sousuke’s contact info and finally relinquished the phone. 

“I’ll be in touch!” Kisumi said, waving as he sprinted away. 

“That’s what I’m afraid of,” Sousuke said, not quietly enough for Kisumi not to have heard him.

Kisumi grinned and blew him a kiss. 

*

The origins of Kisumi’s crush on Sousuke had been lost in the sands of time. 

Maybe it had started with something as simple as Sousuke giving him a pencil for a test when Kisumi’s lead ran out, or picking him first for one of the games he was so good at. They had known each other forever, had played together as babies -- a given, since their mothers were best friends. 

Somewhere along the line, Kisumi had looked over to Sousuke, heavy-eyed and grumpy to be at school so early, and felt something hot and sharp zigzag through his chest.

_I like him!_

Kisumi recognized this feeling and accepted it instantly. The crush burned deep in his chest, warming him up and making him smile whenever he saw Sousuke. 

But of course -- there were always complications. Or, more accurately, a complication in the form of sharp-toothed redhead named Rin.

Rin had transferred to their school when they were in third grade, and immediately captured everyone’s heart -- especially Sousuke’s. 

Despite the whole playing-together-as-babies thing, it was clear to Kisumi that that Sousuke preferred Rin’s friendship than his own. Kisumi was allowed to be the third in their games, but with the ruthless clarity of childhood, he also knew just where he stood with them. 

Now, Kisumi loved Rin too (it was hard _not_ to love Rin, he was always so full of life and plans -- a person that others naturally gravitated to) and had been genuinely sad to see him move away -- and not just for Sousuke’s sake. 

However, it was also true that he had spent the last few years trying to wedge himself into the tiny space in between the juggernaut that was Sousuke and Rin’s friendship, and now saw his chance. 

But it was no good -- even when Rin transferred to Iwatobi and later moved to Australia, it was never enough to exorcise him from Sousuke’s heart, and there was nothing Kisumi could do to replace him. 

When Kisumi and Sousuke did hang out, as they occasionally did, they would end up talking about Rin. 

By the time middle school came around, Kisumi had had enough. Paradoxically, one of the reasons he’d followed Rin’s footsteps and chosen Iwatobi was to get away from Rin’s ghost -- and get to know the kind of kids Rin had left him and Sousuke for. 

He’d done that, and even acquired _another_ useless crush -- this time on Tachibana Makoto. Kisumi began to suspect he had a type, and that type was big handsome guys -- who were always hopelessly devoted to someone else! 

And to top it off, that damn crush he had on Sousuke had never really gone away. 

That he kept getting crushes on guys, however, wasn't totally distressing, because often it was returned. Kisumi accepted that side of himself without much fuss. He didn't see what he had to be ashamed of -- he likes boys, liked the attention they gave him. And he wasn't really the hopelessly pining sort either -- he had his own agenda and his goals and he usually accomplished both. 

Sousuke and Makoto were exceptions, really, and warnings of a sort. 

At sixteen, he became known around school as a kind of heartbreaker, but it wasn't because he liked to see people suffer because they liked him. It was quite the opposite. Kisumi wanted to give back the affection he received, give it back doubled or tripled. He didn’t like disappointing people. He loved to be liked. 

If he couldn't quite commit to one person, then, oh well. It was just high school, after all. 

It was out of consideration for his parents that Kisumi held off announcing his homosexuality until the summer before university started. When he did announce it, he was a little crestfallen to discover that neither of his parents had been aware that it was supposed to be a secret. 

“Oh, but you've always been like that. Do remember when Kisu-chan came in here crying because his friend Sousuke picked Rin over him in football?” 

“I didn't do that!” Kisumi said, scandalized. 

“You did,” his father confirmed, pushing up his glasses, which had slid down his nose. Hayato came in, complaining of being hungry, and Kisumi didn't have to deal with his annoyingly blasé parents anymore. 

*

Kisumi was drunk, the first time he texted Sousuke. After the first day, he hadn’t seen him around, which made sense, given the business of their schedules and the size of the campus. 

Also, Sousuke was definitely avoiding him. 

“Avoiding me, heh,” Kisumi said, peering dimly into his phone. The music was loud and his fingers were sweaty, sliding a little on the glass. 

“Kisumi! Come and dance!” called one of the girls in his group and he gave her a distracted smile and promised that he would be over there soon. 

**\-- __** _Sousuke_ _you should show off that sexxxxy body of yours sometime. Come dancing with me._

Then he went back to the dancefloor. When he took a break again, he was delighted to see that Sousuke had replied to him with a grumpy/sleepy face emoji. 

**\-- __** _Too busy_ (๑ᵕ⌓ᵕ̤)

“Idiot,” Kisumi said, smiling. 

He felt a familiar burn in his chest. 

*

The next morning, he texted Sousuke again. 

**\-- __** _Sorry about last night, I was drunk…_ (´ω｀*)

**\-- __**_It’s fine. You looked like you were having fun._

Ah, Kisumi had forgotten that they had friended each other on social media earlier this year, mostly because Sousuke never updated his status anywhere. But he did look at Kisumi’s pictures. Interesting. 

_**\--** It would have been more fun if you’d been there_

_\-- Not much of a partier …_

_\-- Huh? Isn’t Samezuka known for its legendary partying swim team? I’ve heard crazy things about Rin’s old captain, Mikoshiba!_

_\-- I was only there for third year_

_\-- Which is when the best parties are!_

_\-- eh_

_\-- Souuuuusuke. I wasn’t kidding about your sexy body, but I shouldn’t have been so blunt about it. You need wooing. Flowers. Chocolates. Moonlight swims._

Kisumi wondered if he had gone to far with this. He could still play off it as a joke, of course, but what if Sousuke had taken offense? Five minutes went past and nothing. Shit. 

Suddenly, a notification popped up on his screen. 

_\-- Do you even know how to swim?_

_\-- Ha, you snobby bitch._

\-- （￣＾￣） 

_\-- Well, I know how not to drown._

_\-- …_

_\-- Teach me your fancy swimming moves, senpai!_

_\-- Idiot._

Kisumi placed a hand over his heart. Why the hell was he so easy to please when it came to Sousuke? 

“I'm pathetic,” he said to himself, taking a sultry selfie and sending it Sousuke, who didn't reply back. He really _was_ pathetic, he thought, as he crawled back into bed. 

*

The next time Kisumi saw Sousuke in the flesh, it was by the intervention of their mothers.

Kisumi had planned to come home and spend the New Year’s with his family, after staying for Christmas in the city. The train to Iwatobi left early, so Kisumi left his apartment at five forty-five in the morning, more asleep than awake. 

The world was different so early in the morning. Less crowded, and even the air seemed purer. 

He wasn’t exactly surprised to see Sousuke waiting at the platform for the train -- he should’ve suspected as much when the ticket came in the mail from his mother. “They must have gotten a good two-for-one deal,” he said to Sousuke, who looked at him from heavy, sleep-laden lids.

“What?” Sousuke said, after a unreasonable amount of time. Kisumi sighed and waved his ticket in front of Sousuke’s face. 

“Your mother sent one to you as well, didn’t she?” 

“Yeah,” Sousuke said, and then gave a jaw-cracking yawn. 

“You’re really not good so early in the morning, are you?” Kisumi said. He hadn’t considered it before, but know he could see it was true. Sousuke had never been what you’d call an early riser, but it seemed that university had only exacerbated things. 

What _was_ Sousuke doing, now that he wasn’t swimming anymore? 

Kisumi drew himself up a little and said, “Well then, let me take care of you until we come home!”

Sousuke muttered something that could have been an agreement. The train they had been waiting for came into the station and they boarded. 

Breakfast was the bento Kisumi had brought from home and well as the pastries that Sousuke had brought from somewhere. With that and several steaming cups of tea, Kisumi was able to curl up in his seat and watch the scenery around him change, as Tokyo finally retreated from view and the countryside opened before him. 

Sousuke, with the seat next to him, slept beside him, silently for the most part. Around nine o’clock, he finally woke up and cast about for something. Kisumi helpfully gave him another cup of tea and received a murmured thanks. Sousuke finally withdrew a thick medical textbook from his bag and started reading, writing a few notes on the margins here and there. 

“So you’re planning to go into medicine?” Kisumi said, his hand on his chin. He studied Sousuke closely, taking him in. It made sense, after all. Sousuke was probably thinner now -- too busy studying to work out? -- and there were lines on his face, and bags under his eyes that hadn’t been there before. He had obviously made a half-hearted attempt at shaving this morning -- already there was a layer of stubble on his jaw. 

He was, perhaps, even more handsome now than Kisumi had ever seen him. It was incredibly unfair. 

“Yeah,” Sousuke said, trying to push back the hair that had fallen into his face when he was sleeping. “My grandfather was one, you remember? And during high school, I spent … a lot of time in hospitals. Made me interested in medicine, once it was over.” 

“I’m glad,” Kisumi said, smiling a little. “Does that mean you’ve found a new dream, Sousuke-kun?” 

“I guess.” Sousuke gave him a brief, but sincere smile. “What about you? How is Kisumi going to take over the world?” 

“I’m glad you asked!” Kisumi said, reaching out and tugging at Sousuke’s arm. He pulled out his phone and opened to a video of him in this fall’s production of _Cat on the Hot Tin Roof_ (he had been Brick.) Sousuke watched it for a few minutes and handed it back to Kisumi without a word. 

Kisumi babbled on, saying, “I’m doing drama right now, but I think I’ll probably end up presenting over acting. It’s hard to break into the entertainment world though! Maybe I’ll end up being a singing waiter somewhere?” 

“Can you sing?” Sousuke said, a little doubtfully. 

“Better than you,” Kisumi said, a little hotly. Which was actually a lie. He’d heard Sousuke sing before. He was pretty good, even if his talent was largely undeveloped. 

“Ah, you’re right, my musical skills are pretty bad,” Sousuke said, after an uncomfortable silence. “I couldn’t even play the recorder before Rin taught me.” 

Kisumi nodded. “Is Rin still in Australia? Still swimming?” 

“Yup. Getting ready for the Olympic trials now. He’ll be back in Japan soon enough.” 

“You must be looking forward to it. I mean, seeing him again.” 

“I am,” Sousuke said, firmly. “Although I might not be able to. See him, I mean. We’re both pretty busy.” 

“But Rin is a special person to you, isn’t he? You’d see him, even if you’re not rivals anymore…” 

“Don’t talk about things you don’t understand,” Sousuke snapped, folding his arms around his chest. He frowned at a spot just over Kisumi’s right shoulder, before returning his attention back to his book. 

“What’s with the sudden mood change,” Kisumi said, more to himself than anyone else. He retreated back to his phone, sneaking glances at Sousuke only when he was sure Sousuke wouldn’t catch him. He brought up the text log between him and Sousuke and read over it. It seemed like Sousuke actually enjoyed their conversations, even when Kisumi would shamelessly hit on him. 

So why were their conversations so awkward when they came face to face? 

_\-- Eh, sorry I’m so embarrassing to talk to!_ ( ≧Д≦) 

_\-- Are you seriously texting me when you’re sitting less than a foot away from me_

_\-- don’tlookatme_

_\-- Big pink baby_

_\-- Bully Sousuke!!!_ （≧▼≦；)

Sousuke put his phone down for a moment and looked thoughtful. He got up from his seat and said that he was going to the food car, did Kisumi want anything? 

“A cup of tea, please,” Kisumi said, subdued. 

While Sousuke was away, another text came in. 

_\-- Sorry. Rin is … a sore spot for me. I don’t like having him poked._

_\-- I understand. You like him, don’t you?_

_\-- He’s my best friend, of course I like him._

_\-- No, I mean… You know what I mean._

_\-- No._

_\-- Hey, you don’t have to lie. I have someone I like as well, even though I know it’s hopeless…_

“Here’s your tea,” Sousuke said. “They only had orange pekoe back there. I hope it’s okay.” 

“It’s fine,” Kisumi said, taking the styrofoam cup from Sousuke and taking a sip. He made a face and said, “There’s no sugar in this!”

“I don’t know how you take your tea!” Sousuke huffed, sitting down beside him. 

“You’ve known me your whole life and you don’t know how I take my tea? How sad!” Kisumi sighed and dug out three sugar packets from his bag. He added them to his tea, swirling it around to make them dissolve into the hot tea. 

“It’s too much sugar,” Sousuke said. 

“I can’t help it,” Kisumi said, sipping at his tea. “I love sweet things.” 

*

They arrived at Iwatobi Station during the mid-morning lull -- too late for commuters, too early for the lunch rush. The platform was deserted except for a little old lady who was too busy fussing over her dog to pay any attention to them. Kisumi, who had felt tense all throughout the train ride, allowed himself to relax a little bit. He stole a glance at Sousuke, who was looking studiously at his phone. 

“Sousuke,” Kisumi said, and Sousuke looked up, face expectant. Later, Kisumi would say that he kissed Sousuke then because of the expression on Sousuke’s face. It was a brief kiss, more of a flutter of wind against his face than anything else. Sousuke’s lips were a little chapped, and his cheek felt rough against Kisumi’s fingers. His eyes were half-closed, but there were blue-green slits, bright and watchful. 

Sousuke murmured his name as soon as Kisumi moved away, his hand reaching for -- _something_ \-- but Kisumi took several steps back and waved. 

“Well, I’ll see you soon! Say hello to Auntie and Uncle for me. Are you going back on Monday afternoon?” 

“Yeah,” Sousuke said. He nodded, as if to clear his head. “You too?” 

“Yes. We’ll go back together, then.” 

*

Kisumi was nearly knocked to the ground as soon as he opened the door to his house. A pair of arms wrapped themselves firmly around his waist. Making no attempt to escape, Kisumi said, “Eh? I am being attacked by a stranger in my own home? Where is my cute little brother to rescue me?” 

“Onii-chan,” Hayato said, looking up at him, his big blue eyes reproachful. “You’re _late._ Mama was about to drive to the station and get you!” 

“I’m glad she didn’t, I liked walking back here. It hasn’t changed at all, has it?” 

Hayato shrugged. 

Iwatobi might not have changed, but certainly Hayato had. It was strange to think that in the two years Kisumi had left for university, Hayato, once so tiny, had now come into the Shigino tallness genes with a vengeance. 

He was only eleven, after all, and already came up to Kisumi’s chest. Likely, he would probably be taller than Kisumi one day. 

“Little brat, when will you stop growing?” Kisumi said fondly, ruffling Hayato’s hair. Hayoto pouted at him but didn’t let go. They did an awkward crab-shuffle through the hallway until they reached the living room. Kisumi threw himself onto the couch with a sigh. Hayato plopped next to him, tucking himself underneath Kisumi’s chin. 

“Are you thinking of joining the basketball club in middle school?” Kisumi said. “With your height, you’d probably get to be a starter with no problem. And you and I can do a little one-on-one to practice.” 

“I’m probably going to try for the swim club first,” Hayato said. “Ren-senpai says they’re incredibly strong this year, so I’ve been practising at the ISCR every chance I get.” 

“Ah, well. Don’t over-do it,” Kisumi said, thinking of the terrible expression on Sousuke’s face, that day he’d caught him at the hospital during third year. He didn’t want that for Hayato. He didn’t want that all. 

“I know,” Hayato said. “Coach Sasabe is very strict about how long I can be in the pool. And the trainers won’t let me go in without warming up or cooling down afterwards.” 

“That’s good. So, Ren-senpai, huh? You’re still hanging around Makoto’s siblings?” 

Hayato blushed. “They’re very nice. Ren-senpai lets me come over and play video games with him and Ran-chan is …” He looked down. “She’s really cute!” 

“Hah? My baby brother is old enough to notice cute girls? I really must be getting old!” Kisumi said, flinging an arm over his face. Hayato waited for a moment, before pulling Kisumi’s arm away from his face. 

“Oniichan,” Hayato said softly, “I still would like to play one-on-one with you.” 

“Okay!” Kisumi said, sitting up. He felt a surge of energy pass through him. “Let me go change and we’ll go to the park.” 

*

It was still winter, however, and not even the biggest basketball otaku would’ve lasted long in the cold. After a shooting a few hoops -- Kisumi was pleased that he made all of them -- he noticed that Hayato, though obviously making an effort to please him, really wasn’t into it at all. 

“All right,” Kisumi said, after Hayato’s quietly suffering faces became too much. “Should we go to a cafe and get some hot chocolate?” 

“Yessss,” Hayato said excitedly. “There’s a new cafe that I want to show you, come on…” 

He practically dragged Kisumi away from the basketball courts, down the main road into town. It was rather a long walk, and by the time they’d arrived, Kisumi’s nose felt frozen on his face. At least it was warm in there. 

The cafe was cutely decorated and conspicuously cozy, but Kisumi didn’t understand why Hayato wanted to come here until he saw who was at the front counter. And, in the corner of his eye, he saw a tall figure huddled over a table near the window. 

“Hey, Makoto! Mind if I sit?” Kisumi said, bouncing over to where he was seated. Makoto shook his head and rewarded him with a warm smile and Kisumi practically preened in response. Hayato had drifted away from him almost as soon as they had entered the cafe, headed towards the counter. 

Tachibana Ran was standing behind it, completely at home barking orders at her scrambling co-workers and then turning on the charm for her awaiting customers. Kisumi couldn't help but think that Ran had really come into her own lately. 

“Ran-chan seemly to be doing really well here,” Kisumi said and Makoto’s smile grew wider. 

“I think she is -- she's been helping out here since my aunt opened this place last summer, and now my aunt says she couldn't run the place without her.” 

“Where’s Ren?” 

Makoto checked his phone and laughed fondly. “Running late as usual! He was supposed to be back from swim practice by now.” 

“Practicing even during the holidays? That's some serious dedication,” Kisumi said, putting his hand on his chin. 

“Well, he idolizes Haru nowadays, you know,” Makoto said thoughtfully. “And Haru is rarely outside the pool if he can help it.” 

“Eh, some things never change. How about you? What are you studying? Still teaching kids how to swim?” 

Makoto looked down, a faint flush on his face. “I'm training to be a teacher now, elementary school mostly likely. I have certification as a swim instructor, but it’d be a better idea to be a teacher and try to be the faculty advisor for a swim club.” 

“That sounds like a plan,” Kisumi said encouragingly. “Isn't it strange to see people fall into things now, out of high school? I ran into Yamazaki Sousuke on the trip down today and he's studying to be a doctor. Wouldn't have imagined it when we were in school -- but it makes sense.” 

“Do you talk to Yamazaki-kun a lot, Kisumi?” Makoto asked curiously. 

Kisumi toyed with the idea of saying yes, maybe making Makoto a little jealous if he could. But he knew perfectly well that Makoto would not envy Sousuke, not for Kisumi’s sake anyway, so he told the truth. “Not really. I found out a few months ago that he went to the same university as I did, but we haven't met up at all. Sometimes we text, but that's it.” 

“He must miss Rin a lot, huh,” Makoto said wistfully.

Kisumi cocked his head and watched Makoto carefully. It had been six months since Haru had moved to Australia to train with Rin. He was due to return anytime now -- to train in Tokyo for the Olympics, but Kisumi thought it was telling that Makoto had remained here in Japan all the while. 

Things changed a lot, it seemed -- separating the inseparable. 

Kisumi had never been like that, part of a duo that was never apart. Before Hayato’s birth, he had gotten used to being the only child, one who had every last bit of his parents’ love. Hayato had been a shock to Kisumi’s system, but in the end he found that he loved him more than anything. 

As for friends…

“I always envied you and Haru and Rin and Sousuke for being such great best friends. I thought having a best friend like that would be the best thing in the world -- but now…” Kisumi shrugged. 

Makoto, who had been playing with his pen and pad of paper during their conversation, stilled his hands and looked at him. Really looked at him, and Kisumi giggled at the unexpected heaviness of Makoto’s regard.

Those beautiful green eyes could be very penetrating if they wanted to be.

“I'm not going to say that I don't love Haru, or that I didn't love being his friend growing up but I suppose everything has to change, eventually. Haru’s going somewhere that I could never reach now. I'm just glad he isn't alone.” 

“Makoto…” Kisumi said, sniffing. “You say these things so sincerely! I want co cry now.” 

Makoto smiled at that. “Don't cry, please! Here comes Ren with Hayato. Where have you two been?” 

Ren flopped onto the chair next to Makoto with a gusty sigh. “Ran _made_ us help in the back for almost an hour. It was awful! My hands hurt.” 

“You exaggerate, Ren-senpai,” said Hayato lightly, sitting next to Kisumi, who threw an affectionate arm around him. “It was no more than twenty minutes. I was glad to help!” 

“Ah, but that's because Hayato has a little crush on Ran-chan, don't you, Hayato?” Kisumi said, winking at his brother. 

Hayato’s face turned completely red and he bawled, “Oniichan, why would you say something so embarrassing?!” 

There were the beginning of tears in Hayato’s eyes, which made Kisumi want to laugh, although he did not. Geez, this kid! Where did all this bashfulness come from? 

“Why do you like Ran?” Ren demanded, looking a little more upset at the news than Kisumi would have guessed. 

“Now, now,” Makoto said placatingly, “there's nothing wrong with that … I'm sure Ran likes you too, Hayato-kun -- certainly as a friend!” 

“That's the only thing I want!” Hayato said, leaning against the table, looking at all them earnestly. 

Kisumi reached out and ruffled his hair. “Sometimes I forget you're still so young,” he said, resting his hand on the top of Hayato’s head. “I'm sorry, I shouldn't make jokes at your expense -- I'm a jerk. I bet you'd rather have someone as nice as Makoto as a brother, right?” 

“Ah, Kisumi, that's not true,” Makoto protested. 

Hayato stared at him. “I wouldn't want anyone else but you as my brother. But I wish you wouldn’t tease me.” 

“I won't, never again,” Kisumi promised him, hands on his heart. 

Ran came over then with a tray of drinks and pastries. She ignored their greetings and huffed, “I called and I called all you idiots for five minutes to pick up your order. It's not my fault if your coffee is cold!” 

Kisumi picked up his cup and smiled. It was exactly how he liked it. Hayato knew him well. “This is perfect. Thank you, Ran-chan!” He smiled at her and Ran, who had been fussing with one of her apron ties, unexpectedly blushed. 

“It's nothing,” she muttered, looking away. “I'm just doing my job.” 

“Take a break and sit with us,” Kisumi said, patting the empty chair next to him. “It's been a long time since we've all had a chance to talk.”

Reluctantly, Ran agreed and went back to the front to talk to another employee. By the time she returned, Kisumi had switched seats with Hayato, and so she sat next to both him and Makoto. A flash of disappointment crossed her face, but she settled into things well enough. 

Kisumi liked Ran. She was smart and had a far sharper sense of humor than he expected for any sibling of Makoto's -- Hayato’s infatuation was entirely justified. 

*

The rest of the afternoon was spent pleasantly enough. Eventually Kisumi and Hayato left the Tachibanas and walked back home, talking mostly about the future. When they reached the pathway that lead to their house, they saw that the lights were on in the kitchen. 

Even outside, there was a smell of cooking. Lingering by the front door, Kisumi was hit, all at once, by a strong sense of homesickness, which was strange since he was home, after all. His steps slow and Hayato tugged at his hand, urging onward. 

In the kitchen, his mother was chopping vegetables while his father was fussing with the rice cooker. They both looked up when the boys entered. “We’re home,” Kisumi said, smiling. 

“Welcome back,” said his father, smiling. Then he sighed and said, “I think this cooker’s broken.” 

“Is there enough rice?” his mother asked, worried. “I made curry!” 

“It should be fine,” Kisumi said, as he took up chopping the vegetables as his mother went over to take a look at it. She had always been better at mechanical things than his father, but he liked to make an attempt at it first. 

Hayato was hanging around Kisumi, watching him work. “Oniichan,” he said when Kisumi looked up at him. 

“Hmm?” 

“Please help me with my math homework!” 

“Sure, do you want to work on it after dinner?” 

“Yes, please!” And the look Hayato gave him -- full of adoration and love warmed Kisumi to the core. He beamed back at Hayato. He didn't know what he had done to deserve such a funny, loving boy as a brother, but he was happy for it. 

Dinner was delicious and the company delightful. His parents were always gently teasing each other and Kisumi thought it was great that despite their long marriage, it was clear that they were still in love. Dad was a gentler soul than Mama, but together they were strong. 

Growing up, Kisumi had been a little jealous of how much freedom Haru had with his very much absent parents, but as he grew he realized that he didn't want that sort of thing for himself, and certainly not for Hayato. 

He didn't even mind (much) when his parents grilled him about his future. They supported him, generally, but it was clear that Kisumi’s acting career was a source of some worry for them. 

“But you've accept the internship from that accounting firm?” Mama asked as they ate. She looked worried enough that Kisumi rushed to assure that he had. 

“Well, they're paying me this year,” he said, trying not to sound too begrudging. Living in Tokyo was expensive and even with his parents’ help, Kisumi often felt as if he was just barely managing to keep his head above the water. 

Just then Mama’s phone chirped and she took it out of her pocket to look at it, earning snickers from her sons (she would scold them for doing the same thing.) Her face brightened as she read the text and looked up. 

“Yamazaki-san wanted to make sure you were coming to their New Year’s Eve Party this year, Kisu. I told her that you would.” 

Kisumi shot her an unhappy look. He loved his family, he really did, but surely on New Year’s Eve he should be partying with his friends, not attending a staid middle-aged dinner party. 

“Sousuke-kun will be there,” said his mother with a devilish gleam in her eye. 

“What difference would that make!” Kisumi huffed, indignantly, cramming his mouth full of rice and curry so he wouldn't embarrass himself further. But his mother wasn't fooled. She laughed and his father and Hayato joined along, though the latter probably had no idea why. 

*

“Happy New Years, Sousuke-kun! What are your resolutions?” Kisumi said as soon as Sousuke opened his bedroom door. 

Sousuke immediately closed it again. 

“So mean!” Kisumi said, pouting. He sighed and knocked again, until Sousuke opened the door and let him in this time. 

Kisumi wandered in, hands in his pockets. As a kid, he had run and out of the Yamazaki house freely, as both the son of Mrs Yamazaki’s best friend and one of Sousuke’s closest childhood friends. But that had stopped after middle school, when Sousuke had moved to Tokyo for school. Kisumi still marveled at how big this place was. Way too big for the family of three that lived there. 

The Yamazakis had always been richer than the Shiginos, that was just how it was. Kisumi knew most of Sousuke’s aloofness came from his awkward personality than any kind of snobbery, but it was still a little stunning to walk into Sousuke’s room and take everything in.

Everything was big, spacious and neat as a pin. It didn't really seem as though anyone lived there, but he supposed that with Sousuke living away from home for so long, no one really did. There was a television mounted on the wall and a sofa and some chairs in front, and a small fridge off to the side for drinks. 

One wall was dedicated to Sousuke’s accomplishments -- there were ribbons and trophies from various swimming competitions, of course, as well as framed photographs of the same thing. There were awards for academic performances too, since Sousuke had the maddening combination of looks, smarts, and athletic prowess. In the middle of everything, in a place of honor, was a photograph of Sousuke’s last race -- his relay with Rin and the other swimmers from Samezuka. 

It was in front of this photo that Kisumi halted, peering at Sousuke’s happy face and examining the way his fingers clutched at Rin’s shoulders. Nothing has changed, he thought, and allowed himself a moment of sadness. 

“My mom puts those up, not me,” said Sousuke behind him. “Personally I wouldn't care if they were at the bottom of the ocean.” 

“Not this one though,” Kisumi said, tracing his finger across the frame of the relay photo. He heard Sousuke let out a deep breath behind him. 

“No,” Sousuke admitted. “Not that one.” 

A few minutes later, Kisumi was stretched out on Sousuke’s absurdly large bed. He laid aside his phone and looked at Sousuke, who was sitting a few feet away, looking his phone. 

“Lemme look at your phone,” Kisumi said, reaching out for it. Sousuke jerked his hand away without comment. “ _Sousuke._ ” 

“You have your own phone, why do you want to see mine?” 

“I wanna prove something to myself. Come on, I won't tease you if there's anything embarrassing on it.” 

“Why would I keep embarassing things on my phone, idiot? You know how easily these things are hacked?” 

“ _Sousuke._ ” 

“Ugh, fine.” 

Kisumi grabbed it before Sousuke could change his mind. It wasn’t the latest model and there was a hairline crack that cut diagonally across the surface. Kisumi hummed as he flipped through the photos until he found what he was looking for. 

“Ha! I knew you had saved it,” he said triumphantly, waving his own selfie in front of Sousuke’s face. Sousuke scowled at him, but said nothing. 

“Sousuke-kun,” Kisumi said, in a singsongy voice, “have you at least considered my offer?” 

Sousuke’s brows shot up. “Considered what?” 

“Have sex with me. Tonight,” Kisumi said bluntly. “If it feels bad or weird, we can stop and never talk about it again, but I want to and I think you do too.” 

Delightfully, Sousuke blushed and grumbled that Kisumi was just too shameless. 

“You'll never get anything if you don't ask for it,” Kisumi said, reasonably, he thought. “I'm not a bad lay, anyone can tell you. And besides, how long has it been? You must be super horny.” 

“I could be straight.” 

“But you're not,” Kisumi said, laughing. “I've seen how you look at Rin. You're about as straight as a circle.” 

“You … Even if what you say is true, why would we… do it now. Here. Both of our families are downstairs -- anyone could come in!” 

“I locked the door when we came in,” Kisumi said and leaned in to kiss him. At least he thought he did. It wasn't as if he was going to get up and check. 

“I don't know if I feel that way about you…” 

“I know I'm not Rin, but I still want you.” 

“Hey -- wait, why?” 

That was a surprisingly difficult question to answer. Why Sousuke? Why now? Kisumi made a show of thinking about it, rubbing his chin thoughtfully before he pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it to the chair. _Because you're hot and I want you. Because I've been in love with you forever and this is best way to get over you._

_Because --_

“It's just sex. You don't have to think about it too hard about _why_ ,” Kisumi said with a shrug.

Sousuke gave him a stubborn look and looked like he was going to refuse. But instead, he nodded. “You're not being honest, but fine, I get it. Let’s do this quickly.” 

“Good!” Kisumi said, so pleased that he could have cheered. He cupped Sousuke’s face in his hands. “You don’t have to sound so begrudging, you know. I’ll make you feel really good!” 

“Kisumi…” Sousuke began to say but of course Kisumi interrupted him with a kiss. It felt good to kiss Sousuke and so, so satisfying that he felt like he could become addicted to it, addicted to pressing himself against that perfect body. 

Sousuke leaned into his touch, his expression hungry. It was exactly as Kisumi thought. Inside that tough exterior was a softness, a yearning that would have touched Kisumi’s heart -- if he let it. 

And he couldn’t let it. He had things to do. Things to see, like --

“Shit, it _really_ is a whale. How do you live, carrying that around in your pants? Why do you study so hard, just become a porn star, fuck --” Kisumi took his cock out and rubbed it against Sousuke’s monster of dong. He was panting. He was pretty sure his mouth was watering. This was the opposite of the smooth, practiced seduction he had planned and he was frustrated with himself. 

There was a very self-satisfied smirk on Sousuke’s face, the bastard. He thought he could just lie there and let Kisumi take care of things. No way. “Here,” Kisumi panted, pushing his cock into Sousuke’s hands. “Touch me too.” 

It was very adolescent, pawing at each other on a messy bed, getting off more on the situation, the excitement of being so near someone that you could share the same breath. It’s not even much a consolation that Sousuke came first -- while Kisumi, who was supposed to be the experienced one here, damn it, couldn’t help but follow him, shuddering out an orgasm against Sousuke’s huge, hot hand. 

A few minutes later, after he’d cleared up the semen from his fingers, Kisumi asked Sousuke if he was a virgin. As expected, Sousuke didn’t answer him, instead, turning over and looking at his phone like his life depended it. 

“I just thought -- you roomed with Rin for a year, right?” Kisumi said, stretching out his arms over his head and arching his back until he heard a satisfying crack. “You can’t tell me nothing happened …?” 

“Rin’s not like that,” said Sousuke, his nose almost hitting the screen of his phone. 

“Pure athletic devotion. Right. I get it. I bet he never masturbated either, right?” 

“Why are you so interested in us? It’s weird.” 

“Why shouldn’t I be interested in my dear childhood friends’ happiness? Sexual satisfaction is a big part of it, you know.” 

“You’re a pervert,” Sousuke said, a sly smile stealing across his face. 

Kisumi pouted. “So mean!” 

Someone was knocking on the door, yelling for them. Dinner was ready, and they had go downstairs to get it. They scrambled to put themselves back to rights. Kisumi straightened Sousuke’s collar and didn’t stop him from getting one last kiss -- all right, more like an extended lick across his lips and down the line of his jaw. 

“Kisumi, what are you -- okay, never mind,” Sousuke said, wiping away with wetness with a corner of his sleeve. He walked toward the door and Kisumi whined and followed him. They were the same height, more or less, although Kisumi is pleased that he had at least a few centimeters on him. 

He put a hand on Sousuke’s hip and Sousuke paused, looking at him. “Anyway,” Sousuke drawled. “You’re wrong about Rin. He definitely masturbates.” 

“You can’t just say that and give me no details,” Kisumi protested, even though he knew it wouldn’t do any good. Sousuke gave him a sly smile, because he knew it too. 

They walked downstairs to greet their families and pretended that nothing had happened. 

*

It was _really_ hard to pretend nothing had happened.

Kisumi could be charming and attentive at the drop of a hat, but what he really wanted was to continue what had happened upstairs. Sousuke sat across the table from him, but he didn’t look like he was having any difficulty. Of course, for Sousuke, it was different. He was at home. He didn’t need to worry about looking awkward because he was surrounded by people who had known him his entire life. 

But then again, so was Kisumi. So why was he so uncomfortable? 

At first, Kisumi thought someone had kicked him accidentally under the table. His legs were too long to really keep to himself. But then it happened again. He shot Sousuke an accusing look, but Sousuke was deep in conversation with Kisumi’s mother. 

There was a slight scuffle, just between them, and Kisumi managed to get the upper foot and smiled smugly at Sousuke, who glared back at him. 

“What are you two doing?” Kisumi’s mother asked.

“Nothing,” Kisumi and Sousuke said together and looked away. 

*

Five minutes to midnight, Sousuke pulled Kisumi into an empty room and kissed him thoroughly. _Yes, yes, yes_ , Kisumi panted against his mouth, wanting more, always wanting more. 

Sousuke closed his hand over his mouth _and it was just like that time in high school_ and Kisumi could not _stand_ it -- 

“You’re too loud,” Sousuke muttered, pulling his hand away. 

“And you're gonna make me wet,” Kisumi said. At Sousuke’s confused look, Kisumi laughed aloud. “I thought we were doing a bit.” 

“Did you hear Kisumi just now?” said a voice outside the door. “Where has he gone to? And where's Sousuke?” 

“They've probably gone upstairs. You know how young people are like -- nose stuck on their phones, only spending time with each other.” 

It was just then Kisumi’s phone chirped with a text message -- Makoto wishing him a happy New Year. He fumbled with it, silencing it as quickly as possible and watching the door with dread. But whoever was outside must have moved on, because it was quiet outside. 

“Come on, let's go,” Sousuke said with a sigh. “It's useless to do anything now.” 

“So we’ll definitely be doing it another time?” Kisumi said, trying not to sound too hopefully and utterly failing. 

Sousuke shrugged, trying to look indifferent. “If you want.” 

He wanted it. But it excited him more than anything that Sousuke seemed to want it too. He surged forward and kissed Sousuke. He laughed a little at the surprised squeak Sousuke made, and then tried to cover up with bluster. 

If he’d known it was so _easy_ , he would have done it years ago. 

*

Kisumi and Hayato were walking towards the shrine when he spotted Makoto and his siblings coming towards them. Kisumi waved and Makoto waved back. Kisumi let Hayato go with his friends while he hung back with Makoto, to keep their place in line, which went all the way from the entrance of the shrine and all the way to the road downhill. 

“It’s pretty mild for New Year’s Day,” Makoto said, his voice muffled under his scarf. 

“Still pretty cold though, especially when you’re waiting outside,” Kisumi said, stomping his boots to get the slush off. 

“True. But you look happy, Kisumi-kun. Did something good happen to you last night?” 

“Yeah. But you look happy too, Mako-chan. How about you?” 

“Yes,” Makoto said with a soft smile. “Haru called me last night. He wouldn’t have done that on his own, he hates calling people, so it was probably thanks to Rin. But I was really happy to hear his voice again.” 

“You’re so sweet, Makoto,” Kisumi said, sighing. “Don’t tell me anymore, you’ll break my heart.” 

“Eh, what’s the matter with you? What was your good thing?” 

“I don’t want to say, you’ll judge me.” 

“I won’t judge you,” Makoto said, a little reproachfully -- maybe even a little judgmentally. “We’re friends, after all.” 

Kisumi was suddenly aware of the middle-aged couple standing behind them in line made no pretense of not listening in. Some people wanted to start the new year off so badly! 

“I received something I’ve wanted for a long time,” Kisumi said, turning his face away. “It was nice.” 

“I’m glad,” Makoto said warmly. “You deserve to be happy, Kisumi.” 

“You’re going to make me blush!” Kisumi said. On impulse, he gave Makoto a quick peck on the cheek and laughed when Makoto’s ears turned red. The middle-aged couple behind them tutted their disapproval, but Kisumi didn’t care. The line was finally moving again and Hayato and the Tachibana twins returned to them.

*

Finally, it was time to return to reality. 

Kisumi let his parents drive him to the train station and got off, his luggage even heavier going away than it had been coming back. His mother had been cooking and freezing meals for months for him to take back to his apartment. Explaining to her that his fridge was tiny and barely functional hadn’t dissuaded her -- she had only reached for the homemade pickles and other things that needn’t been frozen. 

Kisumi’s arm ached, hauling it all up the platform to wait for his train. He saw Sousuke come in from the opposite entrance, also similarly burdened, and could hardly be bothered to formulate a greeting. 

“You’re not as annoying as usual,” Sousuke said after a while. “What’s up?”

Kisumi gave him a sullen look. “I don’t like going away.” 

“You’re pretty sentimental for a young guy, aren’t you?” 

“Sousuke, that makes you sound like you’re a hundred years old, you know,” Kisumi pointed out. “Besides, you’re the biggest sap I know, you don’t get to judge me.” 

“Me?” Sousuke had audacity to look surprised. “I’m not. Aren’t you the one who always calls me mean and cold-hearted when I don’t reply to your texts right away?” 

“I didn’t even know you read those,” Kisumi said, a little abashed. “Could it be that you actually care about what I think of you, Sousuke-kun?”

“Tch. Don’t think too deeply about it,” Sousuke said. “There’s our train.” 

*

Kisumi slept the whole way to the city, his head resting on Sousuke’s shoulder. He probably drooled on his coat too, since his mouth was dry when he woke up. Sousuke ignored his loud yawns, still reading the same page he had been when Kisumi had fallen asleep. It turned out that he was asleep as well. 

“Sousuke, wake up,” Kisumi said, shaking him awake. 

Sousuke blinked at him, a mystified look on his face. “Were you asleep?” 

“Obviously, you idiot!” 

“But I was asleep…” He straightened up and checked for his wallet and phone. Kisumi did the same. Everything seemed to be in their proper place. 

Kisumi didn’t go back to sleep for the rest of the journey. His restless mood was still with him when he’d gotten his luggage and was trundling grimly towards the the regular train terminal. Sousuke was behind him, earbuds firmly on each ear. Kisumi stopped in front of sign that split his path home from Sousuke’s. 

“How far is it to your apartment?” he asked Sousuke, who took off one earbud and looked at him inquiringly. 

“What?” 

“How far is your apartment?” 

“Thirty minutes by train. Why?” 

“Good. Mine is forty-five. Let’s go to yours.” 

“Again, why?” 

“Because --,” Kisumi sighed and pushed the hair out of his eyes. He was starting to get hot. “So we can finish what we started. Don’t you want to?” He looked up at Sousuke, a little bit afraid to see an indifferent look on his face. 

Instead, Sousuke looked as nervous as he felt. 

“Okay,” he said. “I do.” 

*

Sousuke’s apartment was much smaller than his room at home, and to Kisumi’s surprise, he had a roommate too -- another boy from Iwatobi, it turned out. Rei, Sousuke said, was the perfect roommate -- quiet, studious, and neat almost to the point of compulsion. His only flaw was his insistence that everything in the apartment was to be aesthetically pleasing -- oh, and also that his best friend, Nagisa, seemed to be their third, non-rent paying roommate. 

So really, Rei had at least two flaws. 

Both Rei and Nagisa were still on holiday to -- Sousuke shrugged, said he couldn’t remember the destination. Somewhere hot and tropical. They would be back tomorrow evening. 

“I can’t believe it,” Kisumi said, picking up a butterfly-shaped cushion from the couch and examining it. “You’re rooming with half of the famous Iwatobi High School Swim Club!” 

“I’m only rooming with Rei,” Sousuke said with a grimace. “Nagisa’s only a visiter. A very occasional visitor.” 

“Ah, how dishonest you are, Sousuke! Say, does Nagisa still call you Sou-chan? That was funny, you hated it so much.” 

“Wha -- _How_ do you know that?” 

“I know everything that happens in Iwatobi,” Kisumi said mysteriously, flipping the cushion back to the couch. “Now, I didn’t come here to talk about Nagisa. I came to ride that whale. Are you ready?” 

“I’m --” Sousuke opened his mouth and then closed it again. He massaged the back of his neck and looked faintly embarrassed. “I’ve never done it before.” 

“What, anal? Or sex with a guy? Or sex in general? Geez, I thought you were kidding...” 

“Shut up, you!” Sousuke said, turning beet-red. 

“Don’t be like that,” Kisumi said, sidled up next to him. He put an arm around Sousuke’s waist and brought him closer. “It’s more fun with both of us know what we’re doing, but this is okay too. I’ll be gentle with you. Really, really gentle.” Kisumi caressed Sousuke’s before he flicked him on the chin. 

“You sleazy bastard, you’re enjoying this too much,” Sousuke said with gritted teeth. 

“Really?” Kisumi said with a giggle. “I thought I was being really sensitive! And kind! I’m not one of those creepy guys who gets off on virginity, honestly. But I really do want to give you a good time. Now strip.” 

It took Sousuke a moment to realize Kisumi’s last words were a command and even longer to obey them. But once he did, Kisumi sighed deeply and closed his eyes for a moment, determined to commit this scene to memory. 

“Aren’t you going to …” Sousuke said, blushing. He spread his hands out to cover his cock, but it was already half-hard and leaking. Kisumi couldn’t stand the suspense any more, he needed to get his mouth _on_ that monster. 

He stopped unbuttoning his shirt and pulled off his head. His pants he disposed on in a similar fashion, his belt making a small thud when it hit the floor. His underwear he slingshot across the room, where it almost knocked over a lamp.

“You’re making my apartment messy,” Sousuke whined, before Kisumi shoved him down on the couch. He fell with a heavy thump and Kisumi was on him in a second, taking his cock into his mouth. One lick and he was a goner. 

“I should've showered. Wait,” Sousuke muttered, his fingers tugging at Kisumi’s hair. He let go as soon as Kisumi pulled back. 

Kisumi wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “I must not be doing great if you're still thinking about irrelevant shit, Sousuke-kun.” 

“That’s not it,” Sousuke said, his thumb tracing the the bottom of Kisumi’s lips. Kisumi opened his mouth, just slightly, and Sousuke’s thumb went in. He squeezed it gently between his teeth before letting go. 

Sousuke looked faintly dumbstruck. 

“Kisumi, I never noticed before but -- your mouth…” 

“It's nice, isn't it?” Kisumi said, smiling. 

“Yeah,” Sousuke said. He was going to to say something else, but Kisumi went back to the task at hand -- sucking Sousuke’s ridiculously large cock with everything he's got. Sousuke’s words turned to gibberish and moans and that was just _perfect._

Now, Kisumi had been in love with this man for as long as he could remember and when Sousuke came in his mouth -- a warning a fraction of a second too late to prevent it -- he had a second’s worth of a dilemma before he spat out the come on to Sousuke’s abandoned shirt. 

Sousuke swore under his breath and Kisumi, a little ashamed, said, “Well, you’re going to wash that anyway. Right?” 

“Incredible,” Sousuke murmured, pulling him up and licking into his mouth. 

“Hah, if I’d known you liked the taste,” Kisumi said, panting. “I would’ve --” This time Sousuke kissed him to drown him out, he was pretty sure. 

What a foolish man and what an obviously doomed endeavour. Didn’t he know Kisumi was only getting started? 

The lube and condoms were in his bag and while it was wrenching to leave Sousuke behind to go get them -- especially when Sousuke actually opened his eyes wide to watch him, a plaintive _don’t go_ hovering on his lips. Kisumi felt a stab of fondness, which he tried to cover up. How was that fair, anyway? 

Kisumi grabbed what he needed and came back before his spot on the couch had gotten cold. They seemed to beyond talking now. Sousuke saw him and spread his legs, and Kisumi settled in between them, alternating between stroking himself to hardness and fingering Sousuke for long enough so his first time wouldn’t be painful. 

He wanted to put his cock in now, but he had to be patient. He had never been good with patience, not with things like this. Kisumi ran into things heedlessly, planning things on the fly, overcoming obstacles as they came. It wasn’t that he was careless, exactly, it was just -- the world had just so much to offer, for those who were willing to take it. Why hesitate? 

Sousuke caught his hand. “I’m ready,” he said, challenge in his eye. 

“It’s not a race,” Kisumi said serenely. “Think of it like -- uh, a two-person relay. We’re a team.” 

Sousuke gave him a pained look. “Fuck, just put your dick in me.” 

“Tempting, but you’re not _quite_ ready --” Kisumi rubbed his hard cock against the flat plane of Sousuke’s stomach, stretching out his long arms until his fingers tangled with Sousuke’s, over his head. 

“Rin wouldn’t hesitate.” 

“Low blow, Yamazaki,” Kisumi said easily, pushing into him. Sousuke made a noise that he would deny until his dying day was a squeal, but it was, it fucking was, and Kisumi had heard him. 

It was an absurdly tight fit, almost painful -- he’d dumped almost a half of bottle of lube into Sousuke’s hole to little effect, apparently -- but then he started moving, deeper and deeper into him, and it was -- 

It was better than he thought it would it, better than he’d imagined it was going to be. His imagination couldn’t have supplied all these little details, like the way Sousuke’s eyes drifted almost close as they fucked, only opening when Kisumi hit something good. The way his mouth fell open, his pink tongue poking out for a moment before Kisumi leaned in to kiss him. 

He thought about doing it, just confessing to Sousuke right there. Telling him that he had been in love with him for a long time. How would Sousuke react to that? He'd already abandoned his cool and collected ways, moaning and shaking as he was under Kisumi. 

Fuck, he felt so good. So hot. So tight. So fucking _perfect_. 

He couldn't do it. He couldn't jeopardize this. Given a choice between himself and Rin, Kisumi knew who Sousuke would choose. So he said nothing. So he fucked Sousuke until he came, and kept going until he grew soft inside him. It was still not enough, however, so he slid out and used his mouth and hands to make Sousuke come again. 

Some of the come got that butterfly cushion. It was really too bad. 

“You’re replacing that before Rei comes back,” Sousuke said, rolling Kisumi off of him and depositing him gently on the floor. 

“Eh? I don't even know where he bought it,” Kisumi said, stretching out. “Just tell him you spilled a protein shake on it. You still drink those, right?” 

“You're unbelievable,” Sousuke said, getting up from the couch. He looked entirely too businesslike for a guy who was begging for Kisumi’s cock only fifteen minutes ago. Kisumi looked at him consideringly and lifted one of his arms entreatingly. 

“Pull me up. I'm exhausted and hungry from servicing you.” And Sousuke did it without a word, although he pulled away when Kisumi moved to kiss him. 

“Well, I'll take that shower now,” Kisumi murmured. 

“I'll take out a change of clothes for you,” Sousuke said, going over to the front door, where their luggage was haphazardly stacked. Belatedly, Kisumi remembered the frozen foods that his mother had foisted on him. A quick glance through the entryway to Sousuke’s kitchen showed him a fridge much bigger than his. 

“Let me leave some of the food here. They'll spoil by the time I get home,” Kisumi said, digging into the chest where she had packed everything. 

“I don't have enough room,” Sousuke protested, even as he helped Kisumi gather up the food and shove them into the back of the freezer. “My mom gave me things too.” 

“Bullshit, you do have enough room. We just have to rearrange some stuff. We can heat up some of the soba noodles right now to eat. And some curry, if you want it.” 

“You were going to take a shower,” Sousuke pointed out. 

“Okay, okay…” 

By the time Kisumi was out of the shower, clean and smelling like Sousuke’s soap and shampoo, the food was already heating up in the microwave. Sousuke streaked past him without a word, not even remarking on Kisumi’s semi-nakedness. 

Kisumi changed clothes unhurriedly and gathered up all his discarded clothes from around the living room, including his underwear that was still hanging from a lamp. He took out his phone and scrolled through social media, trying to think of something to say that would sum up his New Year’s break. 

_New year means new chances with old friends!_ He wrote that under an extremely cute picture of himself, Hayato and Makoto at the shrine. He posted it and heard Souske come out of the shower. By the time he came to the kitchen, he was already dressed, which was disappointing, but only to be expected. 

They ate soba noodles and curry and Mrs. Yamazaki’s special fried tofu (special because unlike most of the things she attempted to cook, the fried tofu came out well everytime) -- in silence, their attention fixed on their phones. 

“So Tachibana’s the one you really like, huh?” Sousuke said after a while. Kisumi, who had been absorbed completely in a new clicker game, looked up, startled. 

“Huh?” he said, intelligently. Then he remembered his post and its caption. Kisumi’s gaze sharpened and he grinned. “Why? Are you jealous?” 

“As if,” Sousuke scoffed. “Besides, it's not like I'm a jealous person. You can like whoever you like.” 

Kisumi silently contemplated the enormity of Sousuke’s lie before he declared, “You don't have to worry. Makoto never puts out. Unlike you.” 

It was worth getting kicked out Sousuke’s apartment, just to see him turn red like that. Kisumi loudly promised to come back and get the rest of his dishes soon, and went cheerfully on his way. 

*

Kisumi was knee-deep into his macroeconomics homework and regretting every one of the choices that had brought him to this point when his doorbell rang. He looked up curiously -- he'd left work at five and had met up with his study group at the cafe down the street. The rest of the night he'd meant to devote to homework. He wasn't expecting any visitors. 

It had to be one of his neighbors, he decided as he padded down the hall to the front door. Maybe that angsty art student from 245B looking for a roll of tape again. He'd never even returned the one he had borrowed last time. It was lucky that he was cute, albeit in a nervous, frazzled-looking way. 

Kisumi opened the door and found that his visitor was far from frazzled looking. Cool and collected as always, Sousuke handed him a frozen dish that was -- according to from his mother’s neat handwriting on top of the foil -- hamburger steak. 

“How did you know where I lived?” Kisumi asked, trying not to sound too accusing. He pressed the frozen container against his chest and glared at Sousuke. 

“Your mom told me,” Sousuke said, hands in his pockets. “Are you going to let me in?” 

“You can’t stay long, I have homework,” Kisumi said, stepping aside to let him in. Kisumi didn’t take people back to his apartment. It was small and it was shabby and it was his. Letting people see it seemed like letting people see him -- a small, shabby part of him that he always took care to hide. But it was late and he was tired. And his stomach rumbled, reminding him that he hadn’t eaten since breakfast this morning. 

“Do you want some of this?” Kisumi asked, holding up the container. “I think I have some tonkatsu sauce … somewhere.” 

Sousuke shook his head. “I already ate.” 

“Okay, well, hold one a minute while I heat this up.” Kisumi’s kitchen couldn’t really be called one. It was just a sink and a mini fridge, with a microwave on balanced on top of it. He had a total one one plate and couple of wooden chopsticks. When he came out with a steaming plate of meat, he offered a pair of them to Sousuke. They ate on Kisumi’s bed, which was the only thing in the apartment that could hold the both of them (and then only when they were sitting up.) They talked about small things. The weather. Their classes. The people they both knew. 

“I’m thinking of changing my major,” Kisumi admitted, in between bites of steak.

“What to?” 

“Business Administration. My parents aren’t getting any younger, and I have to think about Hayato’s future too. I have to be practical.”

“What about your dream?” Sousuke said seriously and Kisumi smiled. 

“What if I told you that I didn't have a dream?” 

“I wouldn’t believe you,” Sousuke said. “Everyone has a dream.” 

“What about you, Sousuke? What happened to yours?” 

“We’re talking about you, not me.” 

“We’re having a conversation. It can be about the both of us. Are you happy studying medicine? Do you miss swimming?” 

“Of course I do,” Sousuke said, with a sigh that shook the bed. “I miss the water the most. The first time I had to quit, I hated it because it felt like losing. But now -- I miss the feeling of being weightless.” 

Kisumi nibbled thoughtfully at the last bit of his steak. “If you could do it over again, what would you do?”

“What, besides not ruining my shoulder by overworking it?” 

“And not chase after Rin so hard?” 

“I don't regret that,” Sousuke said. “Rin’s always inspired me. It was my own fault for taking it too far.” 

“He didn't write to you or call you for four years. How can you forgive him so easily?” 

“He was a dumb kid. We all were. Sometimes you can't see outside of yourself without help.” 

“When he left, it felt like he was abandoning us. Like we weren't good enough for him. But in middle school, I saw Haru … He missed Rin too. I think he felt the same way.” 

“Rin’s never meant to be an ordinary person,” Sousuke said. “It's no good to feel bitter about being left behind.” 

“You're not bitter at all?” Kisumi couldn't keep the incredulity from his voice. 

“I said it wouldn't do any good,” Sousuke replied with a rueful smile. “And to answer your original question, I'm happy with my choice. It's challenging and tough -- but that's what I like about it. I do want to help people, especially kids who are like me. I want to stop them from hurting themselves, before it’s too late.” 

“You know, Sousuke, you hide it well, but you're actually pretty nice.” 

“Shut up.” 

“And you're really cute when you blush.”

“Stop trying to get into my pants.” 

“Do you really want me to stop?” Kisumi asked with laugh. Sousuke looked away and muttered something about not wanting to miss the last train. 

*

The next week, Sousuke was back with a plastic container of frozen tamagoyaki. 

The week after that, it was chicken katsu. 

The week after that, Kisumi had enough and took him to out to eat. 

*

_\-- Hey don't freak out but I want u to answer this question honestly_

_\-- OK, that doesn't sound ominous at all. What's your question?_

_\-- Are we dating? My friends wanna know and I don't know what to tell them._

_\-- … No._

_\-- Why not??? We hang out every week, practically._

_\-- Well you asked what I thought and I told you_

_\-- Give me one good reason why we’re not dating_

_\-- Are you going to tell your parents about your new boyfriend or should I_

_\-- U g h._

Kisumi had to call Sousuke up after that. “My parents wouldn't actually mind, you know. Since I came out to them, they’re always worried about who I end up with. You'd be a dream come true in terms of stability and social desirability. Plus, they already know you.” 

“My parents don't know about me and I want to keep it that way. Otherwise it's too bothersome.” 

“Auntie loves you. You're her only son, she wouldn't reject you.” 

“It's not my mom who I'm worried about.” 

“Oh.” 

Mr. Yamazaki had always been a distant figure in Kisumi’s life. He was always working or away on business trips, never at home. In looks, he was like an older Sousuke -- with darker eyes, because Sousuke and his mother had the same eyes. 

Kisumi didn’t know how he'd react to the news that his son was dating another man. He wasn't sure he wanted to find out. 

“But you've gone out with girls before, haven't you? So it's not like your parents are going to have to go through the full _‘My son is a raging homo and what will everyone think!”_ experience. Just saying.” 

“Your parents did that when you came out?” 

“No. But people around them were really eager to cast blame. There was one lady who told mom that I shouldn't be allowed to see Hayato anymore, just in case the gay was catching. It fucking sucks that people still think that way.” 

“Yeah,” Sousuke said softly. 

Kisumi twisted a piece of paper in his hand and sighed. “Well, I'm not going out with anyone else right now.” 

“Neither am I.” 

“Oh. You know what we two handsome and extremely available bachelors should do, after exams are over? Go clubbing!” 

“God, no.” 

“Come on, Sousuke. It'll be fun! Are you going back to Iwatobi for the summer?” 

“No, I've got a internship here. Seven weeks, starting in May.” 

“I've got one too. It’s a fucking pain. But I'm off the last week of August, before school starts again. I want to prep Hayato for the brutal world of junior high school.” 

“Isn't he already a first year…” 

“Shut up, I've been away! He hasn't had my personal guidance.” 

“Lucky Hayato.” At Kisumi’s outraged shout, Sousuke sighed. “Listen, Kisumi, I got to go back to work. I’ll talk to you again, all right?” 

“Don't let me keep you.” 

Kisumi hung up the phone and wondered, not for the first time, how different it would be if he'd been Rin. Sousuke would have thrown everything aside to be with Rin, Kisumi knew for certain. It hurt to think about, and it was pointless anyway. 

He would never be Rin and that was that. 

*

Some time afterward, Sousuke showed up at Kisumi’s door with a bag of takeout in his hand. Kisumi took it all in with a glance and swung open the door. 

He wasn't hungry, not really, at least not hungry for food. 

“I'm horny,” he told Sousuke, because he didn't believe in beating around the bush. “And I've been studying too hard. Do you want to …?” 

“Yeah,” Sousuke said, as his bookbag slid off his shoulder and hit the floor with a dull thump. He left the food to grow cold on what functioned as both Kisumi’s dinner table and work desk and followed Kisumi to bed. 

It was still fun to do this with Sousuke, to touch that perfect body and see how it it had changed from last time. Kisumi enjoyed it, enjoyed kissing him, enjoyed making him gasp and let out helpless little whimpers that he couldn't quite suppress. 

Kisumi didn't need that much preparation for himself, and wouldn't have had the patience for it anyway. He unrolled the condom and slid it down Sousuke’s cock, slapping away his hand when he tried to help. Next was the lube and soon enough he was sinking down on Sousuke’s beautiful, wonderful monster of a cock. 

He rode him hard and without any pity, he wanted to wreck him, to finish him off entirely, and for everyone else who come after him. 

(Damn, he needed to get a dildo _exactly_ like this.) 

In the end though, it was Sousuke who put him off balance, though he was dizzyingly at the edge of a orgasm and over. Sousuke surged up and kissed him, rough and full of affection that Kisumi _did not get --_

“Kisumi,” Sousuke said, “we need to --” 

“I know,” Kisumi said, pulling off his cock with a wince. He was thankful that tomorrow was the Friday before his holiday. Still, it would be embarrassingly obviously what he had been up to, and the teasing could get annoying after a while. 

“Rin's back.” 

“Yeah, I've heard,” Kisumi said, trying to sound casual. “That's good to hear, he came right in time. We should end this, don't you think?”

A half dozen expressions flashed through Sousuke’s face before he settled on his old, cool one, neither smile or a frown. “If that's what you want.” 

“Yeah. Well, it was always a casual thing, right? We’re not even dating, after all.” 

“You have the weirdest look on your face, like you're going to murder me.” 

“Murder you? Why would I even plan that out in meticulous detail, including a way to guarantee my alibi because, face it, my candy ass is not going to jail... Don't be ridiculous.” 

“Nice. I'm very reassured.” 

They stared at each for a moment and then both began to laugh. 

“Honestly, Sousuke,” Kisumi said, collapsing next to him in bed -- which creaked dangerously with their combined weight, and was cramped as hell -- and flicked a finger on his chin. He grinned tightly. “I knew going in that this would happen but I pursued you anyway. It's fine. I'm fine. Everything’s fine.” 

“Again, your expression…” 

“Shut up. So when are you going to confess to Rin? Then he'll confess to you and you'll both realize that you've loved each other all this time and you'll run away to Australia with him and get married diving off the Great Barrier Reef. You should invite me over for the honeymoon, since I was essential in getting you together.” 

“Same-sex marriage isn't legal in Australia.” 

“Of course you know this.” 

“You shouldn't always…” Sousuke ruffled his hair. “You're always pulling the strings, aren't you?” 

Kisumi grinned at him. That was usually what his exes said when they left him. _You're always so high handed. You always think you know best._

_You're so manipulative._

“I want us to still be friends, at the end of the day,” Kisumi said. “That's all.” 

“How could we not be friends?” Sousuke said with a groan. “You've trained me well.”

“Good boy,” Kisumi said approvingly, patting Sousuke’s chest and then tweaking a nipple just because he could. He laughed at Sousuke’s baleful expression. “Ready for round two?” 


	2. Chapter 2

Kisumi saw him first. Matsuoka Rin always stood out, and time had done nothing to change that. “Hey, Rin!” The music was so loud that he practically shouted this into Rin’s ear, which earned him a sharp elbow in the throat. Kisumi stepped back quickly while Rin reeled around, his expression sharp. 

“Ah, If you were Haru, I’d say that was on purpose,” Kisumi said, rubbing his throat in pretend-anguish. 

“Kisumi! Don’t do that!” Rin said, a broad grin spreading across his face. He caught Kisumi’s hand and they shook it and Kisumi caught him in a hug. Rin was stiff in his arms, but he was also laughing.

“Are you with anyone? Haru? Makoto? Uh, Sousuke?” Kisumi said, scanning the crowd for more familiar faces. He’d gotten a little bit of sleep after Sousuke left last night and had rolled into class that morning almost frantic with energy. Work had been the same. When the other interns made plans to go the club that night, Kisumi had made sure to tag along too. 

It had been an _excellent_ distraction, and his back pocket practically crackled with scribbled numbers of some the cuter boys he’d messed with earlier, as well the preparation for later in the evening -- flavored lubes, glow in the dark condoms, fun stuff like that. 

All of that had gone out the window the moment he’d spotted Rin though. 

Rin huffed impatiently. “Would you believe that they all ditched me like five minutes in?” 

“Not for a second,” Kisumi said, with a laugh. “Can I touch your muscles?” 

“Sure,” Rin said, and Kisumi didn’t waste a single moment. 

“This is fucking amazing. You’re so ripped. It’s like a dream,” Kisumi said, sighing. Once he started, it was hard to stop. 

“Rin, let’s go,” Haru said, sliding in next to Rin. Haru looked … exactly the same as he always did. Neither more muscular, nor less. He looked good, obviously, because he always did. 

He gave Kisumi a cool glance, but Kisumi grinned at him. 

“Hey, Haru! Missed me?” 

“No,” Haru said. 

“Mean! I’ve never understood why you’ve always hated me,” Kisumi said, pouting. 

“You’re loud.” 

“Eh? But you’re friends with that Hazaki kid though... I’m not louder than him. Are you here with him? Where’s Makoto?” 

“Makoto doesn’t go clubbing,” Rin said, taking a shot, wincing as it went down. 

“I didn’t think Haru would either, but here he is,” Kisumi said. 

“You’d be surprised,” Rin said. 

“Rin broke me,” Haru said monotonously. 

“You enjoyed it,” Rin said with a grin. 

“Ah, Rin, I don’t want to keep you …” Kisumi said, stuffing his hands into his pockets. 

“Nah, you aren’t. Come with us if you like,” Rin said, putting an arm over his shoulder. “I’ll show you a good time.” 

_Not like that my ass_ , Kisumi thought, as he let himself get dragged into the crowd.

*

Several hours later, he was in Rin and Haru’s hotel room, trying to piece together what had happened between then and now. Haru, naked except for a swimsuit (of course) was wandering through the suite, deep in a phone conversation with Makoto. 

Rin was laying in bed, with Kisumi sitting next to him. Rin turned over to Kisumi’s direction and looked at him for a moment. Then he declared, “Sousuke’s an idiot, you know that?” 

And that was just so _true_ and just so _real_ that Kisumi stopped what he was doing and just nodded. Absolutely. Shit. _Absolutely._

“I hear he'd engaged with a girl. Have you heard about this?” 

Kisumi almost fell out of bed. 

“What?” 

“Gou told me last night. Then I asked him about it, and he pretended like it wasn't a big deal. The fucking dick. He's too young to get married, you know? What is he even doing? Is he crazy?” 

“He's always been the kind of guy to take responsibility,” Kisumi said weakly, trying to make sense of all of this. Why hadn’t Sousuke mentioned this -- any of it -- when they'd talked? True, they mostly fucked when they met up, rather than talked, but this seemed kind of important. “I guess his dad is pushing him to it.” 

“He's not going to be happy,” Rin said, a small frown on his face. 

“Aw, Rin,” Kisumi said, his hand on his cheek. “You really like Sousuke, huh?” 

“He's my best and stupidest friend.” 

“Yeah, but … You like him?” 

Rin looked at him. The haziness seemed to be gone from his eyes. He seemed perfectly sober. “I'm not out yet.” 

“Ah, yeah…” 

“I heard you came out in high school. I thought you were really cool to do it,” Rin said slowly. “But I --” 

“No, I know, you have sponsors, sports associations… I'm not judging. I had to go through some rough stuff and even now some of my coworkers are weird about it.” 

“I'm planning to do it though,” Rin said, suddenly. “As soon as I have a gold medal in my hand.” 

“Very dramatic,” Kisumi said with a grin. “Does your family know?”

“Gou knows,” Rin answered. “My mom, not so much…” 

“You'll figure out how to tell her when you're ready,” Kisumi said. “And I'm sure you'll fix up stuff with Sousuke. You two are -- well, you know. Friends forever and that shit.” 

“Thanks, Kisumi,” Rin said. “You know, I used to think you actually had a crush on Sousuke. Did you ever…?” 

“Huh? No, you must be thinking of Makoto. There's a reason Haru doesn't like me and _alllllll_ of it has to do with that time he caught me with my hand down Makoto’s pants during club activities in middle school,” Kisumi said, stretching out for a moment. “Makoto liked it though.” 

“I don’t remember that,” said Haru, from across the room. He gave off a very menacing aura, which pleased Kisumi enormously. 

“You know it didn't do any good, Haru! You have to let it go!” 

“No,” said Haru, before he wandered away. 

Kisumi’s phone beeped and he swore, realizing that he only had a few scant hours before he was due to catch a train to Iwatobi. He got up, swaying slightly. “Are you guys going to be here when I get back from Iwatobi?” 

“I'm moving back to Tokyo,” Haru said. “Makoto and I are going to live together.” 

Rin shrugged. “I'm training here until the Olympics. But my life's in Sydney. I'm thinking about getting a dog. Did I tell you that?” 

“Sounds cool. I'll see you, Rin, Haru. Say hi to Makoto for me.” 

*

Kisumi caught the last train home and slept for a few hours before he woke up again to get ready and catch the train back to Iwatobi. He slept on the train as well, but the trip seemed longer and more boring than usual. 

*

Iwatobi was the same. It was always the same. It was only Kisumi that was different. When he came home from the station, he saw that there was new car in the driveway. He still had his house keys, so he let himself in. 

Inside, he heard the sound of women’s voices. Mama and Auntie were both tucked under the kotatsu, intent on conversation. They both looked up at Kisumi’s knock and Mama, who had looked troubled, sprang up when she saw him. 

“Ah, Kisumi! Welcome home. Aren't you a little early? We weren't expecting you until Sunday at the earliest. Hayato is still at practice camp, you know.” 

“Yes, I’m back. I thought I would come early since I had the time. Don't mind if I go upstairs and rest?” 

“Of course not! I'll come up shortly with something to eat.” 

“You don't have to. Hello, Auntie. How are you? How is Sousuke and Uncle?” 

Sousuke’s mother gave him a small smile. “They are both fine, Kisumi-kun, and so am I. I think you have grown even taller since I saw you last.” 

“Ah, but you barely saw him last time, didn’t you? He was too busy holed up in Sousuke’s room to see anyone. That was badly done, Kisumi,” said Mama, looking at him reprovingly. Auntie looked at him thoughtfully. In that look, Kisumi saw a lot of things he couldn’t quite understand. 

“I didn’t mean to monopolize him,” Kisumi said, stepping a little backwards. “I'm going upstairs to clean up. Do you need anything from me?” 

His mother shook her head and smiled at him. “I am happy to see you, you know.” 

“I know,” Kisumi said, smiling back. 

Later, when Auntie had left, Mama came into Kisumi’s room with a laundry basket full of fresh towels. They sat on his bed and folded them together. 

“I don't know if I should share this, but I think it affects you,” Mama carefully. 

“What is it?” Kisumi said curiously. His mother had never been very good at keeping secrets, especially from him. “Is it about Sousuke?” 

“Yes,” she admitted. “It seems that Sousuke has had a disagreement with his father and has been cut off. He was engaged to a girl and refused to marry her.” 

_Refused to? So Rin didn’t have the full story, then…_

Kisumi stared at her. “He never said anything to me.”

“Do you often speak to him?” 

“Occasionally. But I know what you're thinking and it's not true. Sousuke isn't in love with me, Mama.” 

“He's a foolish boy, then,” Mama said, with an impatient wave of her hand. 

“How can Auntie stand it? Or does she support her husband?” 

“She can't, and I don't think she -- but that's not my business or yours. But Kisumi?” 

“Yes?” 

“If you do meet Sousuke around, be kind to him, will you? He needs to know that he still has people who love him.” 

“I know. I will,” Kisumi said, looking down at the fraying thread of the towel he was trying to fold. 

*

Summer in Iwatobi was hot and quiet, even with the tourists making their way to the beach. They tended to keep to themselves, and besides, never seemed to find the best spots. 

Kisumi took long walks, through the hills and to the shore. Hayato would go with him, more often than not. 

They would talk, or rather, Hayato would talk, mostly about school and his friends, and his clubs. Kisumi would listen and give advice when it seemed like it was expected. 

“Oniichan, are you sad?” Hayato demanded one day, as they were making their way up a steep, wooded hill. Kisumi wiped the sweat from his shoulder and took a long pull from his water bottle. 

“I’m not,” he began. “Why do you think I am, Hayato?” 

“Well, you've been really quiet recently…” 

“Eh, you mean I'm usually really loud?!” 

Hayato looked at him, a little puzzled. “You know how loud you are, Oniichan.” 

“Don’t be so blunt,” Kisumi said, laughing. He began to walk again, leaving Hayato behind in a few long steps. He called behind him, saying, “It’s rude, you know!” 

“Tell me what’s the problem,” Hayato said, after a few minutes of walking. He was huffing, slightly, having had to pick up his pace to reach Kisumi. 

Kisumi paused in the break of the trees. The sun was out and before him stretched out the horizon -- the sea sparkling in the afternoon light and the sky an almost painful blue. Even the heat of the afternoon was lessened by a brisk wind coming from the water. 

“How pathetic would it be if I solicited romantic advice from my twelve year old brother?” Kisumi said, mostly to himself. Hayato punched him lightly on the chest. 

“I give good advice,” he said, indignantly. 

“Ouch,” Kisumi whined. “You can’t hit your older brother. What’s happening to this country…” 

“Kisumi,” Hayato said, and he sounded so grown-up that Kisumi almost startled. Hayato was growing up, he realized, no matter how much he wished that his little brother would stay exactly the same. He didn’t want to be like other older siblings he’d seen, the kind who never considered their young brothers or sisters whole people… 

And Hayato was supremely sensible. So. 

“Okay,” Kisumi said with a sigh. “So I’ve liked someone for a long time. They’ve always been -- ah, well, in love with someone else. And I knew that from the beginning. But that didn’t stop me from pursuing them, right? And we … had a relationship. But the person they really love is back. And I should probably -- leave them alone, right?” 

“How do you know that this person likes someone else?” 

“Well, it’s pretty obvious,” Kisumi began, but Hayato was shaking his head. 

“But you only really know your own feelings, Oniichan. For everyone else, you’re guessing. You can step aside, if you think it’s best, but I don’t know why you think you’re not good enough for this person.” 

“It’s not like that,” Kisumi said quickly. “I don’t have a low self-esteem or anything. Maybe I’ve got the opposite. I’m just --” 

“You’re really nice,” Hayato declared. “And you’re really cute and you work hard. If they don’t like you, then they don’t deserve you. That’s all.” 

“ _Hayato_ ,” Kisumi said. After a few steps, he was wrapping his arms around his little brother and hugging him tightly. “I’m really lucky to have a brother like you!” 

“Oniichan,” Hayato said, his voice muffled, “I can’t really breathe…” 

“Just bear with it for a little while longer,” Kisumi said, with profound tranquility.

*

Kisumi returned to Tokyo full of vim and vigor. He was graduating soon, so his studies took up a lot of his time, as well as getting ready for what awaited him in the future. He began receiving multiple job offers, each of which he considered carefully. Sometimes he regretting giving up his acting career, but he had to admit to himself that … Honestly, he was really all the drama he needed. 

His life was going to be exciting, he decided, no matter what he did. 

He didn’t have much time to think about Sousuke or Rin -- there was so many other demands on his time -- but one day, almost exactly like that morning during his first year, he looked up to see a familiar shape slope past the cafe where he was seated. 

“Hey! Sousuke!” he shouted, waving the newspaper he’d been reading like a matador’s cape. Sousuke, shoulders hunched and his hands in his pocket, had turned at the mention of his name and stopped. 

Amazingly enough, Sousuke smiled at him and came over to Kisumi’s table. 

“Sit down, sit down,” Kisumi said, gesturing to the empty seat in front of him. Sousuke took it with a sigh. It was autumn now, and cool enough that sitting at a cafe, watching people go by was actually a pleasurable experience. “Do you want anything to eat? To drink?” 

A waiter came by, Sousuke ordered a Coke and Kisumi ordered a sandwich and cup of coffee. He'd had back to back interviews today and it was the first time he'd had a chance to eat. He was actually ravenous, and the piece of fruit he'd had before Sousuke had come didn't seem enough. 

“You look good,” Sousuke said, just as Kisumi was stuffing half a sandwich down his mouth. 

“Eh?” Kisumi looked down. He was still wearing his interview suit -- an incredibly silvery-grey slim-fitted suit that bulged whenever he took too big of a breath. It looked incredible, though, when he was up and striding about, being every inch the dashing newcomer. “Oh, thanks! I had a few interviews today, so I wanted to look good.” 

“You do,” Sousuke said, with all apparent sincerity.

“So, how’s school? Do you regret studying medicine now?” 

“Not really, although I wish I was farther than I am… I had to catch up on a lot.” 

“Still, you’ll be finished soon. Dr. Yamazaki sounds nice.” 

“Hmm.” 

They ate and drank quietly for a while after that, while Kisumi rather desperately searched for something to say. 

“I heard what happened with your folks and I’m sorry it worked out that way,” he said, finally. There was no use in pretending he hadn’t, after all. Sousuke looked unsurprised at his words. 

“Thanks,” he said briefly. “I talk to my mom sometimes but -- honestly, in some ways it’s a relief. My dad never really recovered from the loss of my swimming career. He spent a lot of money on it, after all.” 

“That’s not--!” Kisumi sighed. “Sorry, I was going to say something really rude.” 

“I understood that,” Sousuke said, a rare light in his eyes. He gave Kisumi a small smile. “I appreciate it.” 

“So… Are you going out with anyone right now?” Kisumi said, as casually as possible. He gave Sousuke a lascivious look and wasn’t totally displeased when Sousuke started to laugh. 

“You never change, Kisumi. What’s with that face?” 

“What’s wrong with my face?” said Kisumi pouting. “And I notice that you haven’t answered me.” 

“I’m not going out with anyone,” Sousuke said, after a moment. 

Kisumi thought about it. Did he want to go out on a limb again? Wasn’t he an idiot to try the same trick twice? But it wasn’t a trick, at least not this time. He remembered Hayato’s words. He could only speak for himself, after all. 

“I’d like if you went out with me -- wait, don’t interrupt --” He held up his hand and Sousuke closed his mouth, although it was clear he did want to say something. “But not like last time. I want to be clear that I do like you, Sousuke. I’ve liked you for a long time. And even spending time with you didn’t made me change my mind --” 

“Hey --” 

“If you like someone else, or you simply don’t consider me in that way, please tell me now so I can move on. I don’t want to be someone else’s replacement or a consolation prize. I simply … like you. And I hope you like me.” 

“Can I speak now?” Sousuke asked, and Kisumi nodded. “I like you too. I want to go out with you. Last time was … messed up. I wanted a lot of things, but I couldn’t express it properly. I want to do better now.” 

“Okay, good,” Kisumi said, standing up. He gathered up his things, not looking at Sousuke. “I’m going to pay inside, you can finish up here.” 

“Hey -- what? Kisumi, where are you going?” Sousuke rose too, following him inside. 

“Eh?” Kisumi said, turning around. “You said no, right?” 

“I said yes, you idiot,” Sousuke said, annoyed. 

Kisumi (who, admitted, hadn’t really been paying as much attention to Sousuke’s words as he had been to his serious expression) was temporarily staggered. “What about Rin?” he burst out, although he knew that people in the restaurant were now looking at both of them very curiously. Geez, he probably seemed like some gay homewrecker now.

“Rin isn’t looking back and I’m not either,” Sousuke said. 

It was then Kisumi kissed him. He simply couldn’t help it. Sousuke’s face just demanded it, and so he acceded to those demands. 

*

“Ah! There he is!” Kisumi pointed over to where Makoto had come down the path to the beach, burdening with two coolers and a stack of bathing towels. It had been a few months since Kisumi and Sousuke had started dating and they’d finally had a chance to get away from the city, even if a getaway was only to spend the weekend in Iwatobi. Makoto was also there, visiting his family. Haru had not been with him. 

Today, Kisumi had invited him down to the beach. 

“Mm,” Sousuke said, his attention absorbed in his book. 

Kisumi poked him on the side and whispered, not too quietly, “You know, I’d had this fantasy since high school where I’m this dashing diplomat who knows too much and Makoto’s an assassin who’s trying to kill me and you’re the bodyguard sworn to protect my life. And then we all fuck.” 

“You have an overactive imagination.” 

“You think he’d go for it? We’re really hot together, he’d at least consider it, right?” 

Sousuke looked up. “If you can convince Makoto to have a threesome with us, you would be the greatest salesman in the world.” 

“I’ll do it,” Kisumi said, puffing out his chest. 

“Pfft.” 

“Hey, Makoto!” Kisumi said, waving to Makoto frantically. Makoto, who had been hovering his family’s little campsite, returned Kisumi’s wave and smiled. 

Kisumi smiled back. 

He could do it. After all, he was _that_ good. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally intended to have this have a kind of unhappyish kind of ending, but then I realized that life is short and there was no reason Kisumi couldn't have his boy. So there. Let's all communicate like adults, or something. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Marina & The Diamonds, [Bubblegum Bitch](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BCffJMfGCNw). 
> 
> Next up: a much shorter chapter featuring THE ACTUAL RETURN OF MATSUOKA RIN ( _dun-dun-dun_ ).


End file.
